Burning With Hatred

She sat at the end of her showering place with the cold shower running. She cried wishing it would all go away.

Before he left the city, he did it again. Only, he did it with a hammer. Her body ached. There were cuts on her lips. She knew she had to tell another lie if someone were to ask her what happened to her. She buried her face into her knees as she sobbed. The pain was there but she was used to it. The cold water on her skin felt like tiny knives stabbing into her.

"Kayla!" she heard a voice called. She got up quickly, though in pain. "Kayla!"

"No! He is home already? I thought he was leaving the city till tomorrow night!!" she thought in fear. "COMING!" she called. She grabbed a towel and wrapped her body. When she got out from the bathroom she saw her best friend, Ian.

"Oh my God, Kay! What happened to you?" he asked when he saw her bruises. She thought twice about telling Ian the truth. Ian held her shoulders gently and asked her, "What happened to you?"

"It's nothing, Ian. I just got a little clumsy, that's all..." she said trying to avoid eye contact with him. Ian looked at her, worried.

"Don't lie to me, Kay. You've known me since we were kids. Why are you lying to me now? These bruises doesn't look like clumsiness, Kay. They look like as if someone hit you hard with something."

"I am okay. Really." she said.

"Explain the cut on your lips and the bruises on the back of your shoulders and your chest." Ian said. She kept quiet.

"Well, today I was a bit dehydrated and I got a wee bit clumsy. That's all. And when you called, I slipped and fell. That is why I was a bit long..." she said.

"I don't believe her. That bastard must have done this to her." Ian thought to himself. "Suit yourself, Kay. If it was Adam who did it, I swear I will kill him." Ian said as he observed her face. She looked away, scared. "If there is anything, you know who to call, Kay. Take care of yourself and for goodness sake, get some rest since that bastard won't keep you up the whole damn night..." Ian said as he left.

Just as Ian closed the door behind him, she collapsed onto the floor and cried again. She sobbed and wondered what mess did she get herself into. The words Adam uttered before he left for the countryside hurt her. It made her scared. "If ever I hear you tell anyone what I did to you, I will make sure you don't recognise yourself when you look into the mirror! If Ian comes to you and touches you, he will die. You break up with me, I will make sure no guy would want to look at you and if you tell the cops about me, I will break your neck and kill you."

She was beginning to hate Adam. She wishes that she was strong enough to make him suffer. She wanted Ian to know but she knew that Ian mustn't be told because she knows Ian better than Adam does. She knew what Ian was capable of.

If possible, she wants to seek revenge upon Adam. She hated him for everything. Why did she end up with that dumbass in the first place?

She recalled the past when before her eyes, he was an angel. He was there all the time for her at the times of need. Yet as time went by, she saw the changes in Adam. He started going out without telling her where. He started actively send text messages to someone who he claims to be a guy friend about stuff. He started going to clubs and people's houses. He was distant. He never held her hand when they go out.

And he started beating her up. Kayla hated him for that. He kept threatening her. She felt all the hatred within her. She wanted him dead more than anything else she yearned for.

She knew Adam took drugs.. He was on crystal meths. She found syringes in his bag whenever he came home. But she kept that discovery to herself. She knew, once she argued with him about it, the hammer will be over her head. She knew one thing is for sure, some risks need to be taken. Eventually, she will need to take him out of the closet. The truth must be revealed. Yet, her only question is how...?

The Sand Flower

A sand flower sits alone,
Being a hue of blood,
She weeps alone,
The other flowers singing and dancing happily,
She watches them,
In her heart she sighs,
"Why oh why?"
Her heart heaves,
Thinking that ignorance is bliss,
That way she decides that it is best to be happy on her own...

I Deserve

I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and I've expected way less than what I deserve. but, I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry. I know better next time and won't settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Regrets

It is human nature to go through with something without expecting it...
Yet, why don’t we accept the fact of sorrow?

Regrets


Have you ever felt the feeling during a break up? You cannot tell the differences between day and night. You can’t sleep at night or can’t move to save your life. Even your throat feels so sore that you can’t speak out the words. The pain conquering your body and your mind alongside with a heartache you can’t heal…


Knock! Knock!

Who is at the door at this ungodly hour? I got up lazily and went towards the door. It was the postman.


“Oh, sorry…” he said nervously. “A thousand apologies. I am here to send a package to a Mr. Henry? We also regret for sending this package late. Seven days late, actually due to some technical difficulties.”


With this heartache, what difference does it makes when something arrive late by a week of not.


“No problem,” I said coldly. Then closed the door behind me and turned over the package. It was from Sally. I opened the package and tied my unbelievably long hair. Inside this package, there was a long letter along with a cassette. It was Sally’s demo. Sally wanted to be a singer and she was brilliant at singing. I put in her demo tape and then opened the letter.

Dear Henry,


It’s been 2 months since we’ve contacted… since we broke up… Actually, I really miss you that I have the urge to know how you’ve been now yet, I have no courage to ask you. I wish I could call you but I know, I do, you will continue to hate me. I don’t know what is my status in your life, Henry. Yet, I want you to know that I’ve never misused any privilege you’ve given me. I never betrayed your love although sadly, I admit that my heart belonged to Richard. I was depressed when you decided to break up with me. Please, believe me when I say that I can’t live without you. When I hear our song, it is only natural to see you in the back of my mind. I will never forget the first time me met at Daniel’s gathering. When you told me your name, I felt so much joy and to know that you liked me too, made my heart jumped for joy. Along with this letter is my demo, Henry. I wrote it just for you. Although, you are not much of a music person, I hope you will listen to my demo. I also hope you will appreciate the lyrics I’ve included in this letter.

Henry my Love,

If you still love me, will you meet me at the gardens where you used to take me for our dates? July 23rd, I shall wait for you.

Love always and forever, Sally.

Loving you always,
Being with you by my side,
Baby, with you everything seems perfect, just like the garden of Eden…


After reading the letter, I knew what I had to do. I ran out from the house and went straight to Sally’s place. Suddenly, all I see in my mind was Sally.


Sally, how could I be so selfish? Why was I so blind in this relationship?


“Henry, looking for Sally?” her mother asked when I asked if Sally was at home. “Well, now, she went out this morning… looking quite upset… and till now, she’s not home yet…”


“What is the date, Mrs. D?” I asked trying to catch my breath.


“July… 23rd. What’s wrong, Henry?”


“Oh. My. God. Nothing… I think I know where Sally might be! I have to go, Mrs. D!” I said as I turned away and ran straight for the gardens.


Now, I finally understand; Sally, I still love you. This time, I won’t let you go no matter what the circumstances maybe. Nothing will stop me from loving you again, Sally. Wait for me, Sally…


When I arrived at the gardens, I felt a grave shock. Sally… Sally, what are you doing there? Please… come down from there… I love you, Sally… answer me… please… Why are you crying? Your tears are red…


Above me, Sally was hanging above me. She commited suicide. I was too late. Then I remembered what the postman said. I felt so much regret. In her hands, she held tight was a note saying; “Why didn’t you come, Henry?”


“NOOOO!! SALLY!!!!!” I cried out regretfully… “Why do you have to go? Why didn’t you wait for me, Sally???”

After A Thunderstorm, There Always Be The Sun Shining and a Rainbow

It was raining again outside and it was accompanied by thunder and lightning... The little girl watched the rain fall and listened to the rolling thunder and watched the lightning strike. She did feel a certain fear. She fell asleep by the window.

She woke up suddenly and found herself at a place she wasn't familiar with. She squinted her eyes and looked harder. Was she dreaming? When she opened her eyes, all around her were mist. The second time she took a look, she knew she what she saw was right. Her eyes were not deceiving her. As she was trying to figure out, she heard voices. Male voices. They sounded angry and then, there was a sobbing female voice. The little girl walked through the mist towards the voices.

There she saw - as she had figured - were three figures. Two teenage boys and a crying girl. The two boys were arguing while the crying girl was crying. The little girl took small steps towards them and then stopped. The crying girl turned and saw the little girl and went towards her, still crying. The little girl stood there bravely.

"Make them stop, little one..." she wept. The little girl blinked, surprised.

"How?" she asked the crying girl as she looked at those men, scared. "They are scary." she said. The crying girl continued crying. "Excuse me, I was wondering, where am I and what are your names?"

The girl stopped crying for a while and wiped her tears. She was a pretty person and slowly she said, "My name is Rain and those two arguing are my brothers, Thunder and Lightning. Thunder is angry at Lightning."

Then innocently she asked Rain, "What did Lightning say to make Thunder angry?"

Rain shrugged.

The little girl watched them argue while Rain went towards them, telling to stop. But they both continued arguing. The little girl went towards the men slowly, even with a little fear in her heart.

As she approached the men, they stopped arguing and looked at her. Thunder, the bigger boy, with booming voice said, "How did you get here?"

The little girl hid behind Rain, who stopped crying. Timidly the little girl asked as she reappeared from behind Rain, "Why are you so angry, Mr. Thunder?" Thunder was surprised that this little girl actually came up to him to asked him such a question.

"Lightning here, threw his bolts which hit me and it hurts. Of course I have to get angry." Lightning was a boy with a tantrum. He kept throwing his bolts. Thunder scolded him, "You can hurt someone with that, Lightning!"

"Do I look like I care?" he asked. Rain continued crying. The little girl didn't dare do anything until another person appeared.

"Children. What is all this fighting?" asked the new female voice. The little girl turned and looked at the other person and saw the most beautiful person she's ever seen in her life. "Oh, hello little one." she greeted the little girl. The little girl watched the colourful lady who said hello to her. She looked like a mother. She guessed that this lady's name was Rainbow for she had all seven colours of the rainbow. "I want all three of you to go back to your rooms and think of what you've done to each other. Now!" she said sternly.

"Yes, Momma Rainbow..." the three said. After the three had disappeared, the mist disappeared with them. A shiny man appeared from behind the mist.

"I was wondering when will they stop." he laughed. Rainbow smiled and went towards the little girl.

"Oh, Sun, you know how teenagers are!" she said. "Now, how did you end up here?" she asked the little girl.

"I don't know, I was watching outside my window and then I fell asleep. When I woke up... I found myself here..." the little girl explained. The name called Sun went towards her. As he got near her, she felt warm. "Why were they arguing?"

"That is just the way they are, little one." Sun explained. "Once their little quarrel is over the other three will go to sleep and rest... Meanwhile, me and Rainbow come out. Then, after a certain time, Rainbow will go to sleep, too."

The little girl stood there listening to Sun explaining things to her until she felt like she was disappearing. She heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"I think I have to go now." she said politely to Sun and Rainbow.

Next thing the little girl knew, she was back at the window, just getting conscious. She felt someone touching her shoulder. She turned and saw her mother. She looked outside the window and saw a rainbow in the sky and the sun shining brightly.

"What is wrong wit you, Dear?" asked her mother. The little girl shook her head and smiled.

"I had a wonderful dream, Mummy!" she said. "It stopped raining!"

"Yes. It did." her mother said. The little girl told her mother all about her dream. After listening to her daughter's story, her mother simply said, "That is why they say that, after facing great difficulty. You will find happiness at the end of the day"

Outside, the sun was shining brightly.

A Bastard Will Always Be A Bastard

She found out something today. She found out that he was a junkie. She wasn't all that surprised. She was glad she found out the same story from another person. When she was told about it the first time, she thought it was because people didn't like him so it was natural for someone to tell her, "Matt did drugs. In front of me..."

Even when Andy told her, she knew the story came from the same friend who told her that Matt did drugs. Matt was not liked by anyone.Until when she chatted with an old friend, Edward who told her the same thing. Knowing that Edward weren't close friends to those who told her the same story, she felt satisfied. Just before that, she had faced a difficult situation with Matt's family. They were in denial of Matt's attitude. She let go since her good friend, Bryan helped out to settle their case. She felt cheated. Matt used all her money to obtain drugs and for his sluts.

She was glad with the news she got. She was glad that she had proof that he did drugs. That bastard! When she started out her relationship with Andy (who is an ex-drug addict), Matt called her asking her, "Why should you get yourself involved with people like Bryan and Ben? They do drugs. Your current boyfriend is also an addict!" She conveniently answered him, "At least, Andy is trying hard to stop doing drugs for my sake. What have you done besides sucking my bank account dry?" He kept quiet.

Just be recalling that memory, she chuckled and hope the consequences of Matt taking drugs and with his family history of heart attack or bad health, it will take his life.

A Dirty War

She remembers the past. How they used a little girl as their weapon to make her feel bad. How they tortured her emotions just because of one picture. How they made her feel. Guilty.

She clutches her hand into a fist for all the hate went racing through her veins. What was their problem? She had nothing to do with them anymore, why should they bother with how she deal with her life? Just because of her picture with Andy doesn't mean the whole world would collapsed. It was like, they didn't want to see pictures of her and Andy. No, more likely, they didn't want people to know about her and Andy. Were they jealous that they sabotaged her like they did. The words kept ringing in her ears. They were mocking Andy as if Andy weren't as good as their lousy Matt. What was the use? Matt was the one cheating on her. Matt was the one whispering sweet nothings into her ears when they were together. Matt was the one hurting her. Badly.

She cried her eyes out all due to anger. She was angry. She felt revenge within her heart. The ONE family she trusted was siding Matt after all. She realized that that family wasn't to be trusted. THEY LIED TO HER ALL ALONG. She felt stupid. They used little Polly as their weapon against her. They knew her weakness was Polly since she knew about Polly. They used Polly to fire her. When she heard Polly cried on the phone about that innocent picture with Andy, she hated them all right after. It was bad enough Matt sold her camera to another person without her consent claiming he was the one who bought it for her when she knew she went to the bank to buy the camera.

Every single word that came out from their mouths, sting her like salt to an open wound. She felt angry. She hated them. They sounded as if they were helping them… but they were not. They were trying to destroy her relationship with Andy. It was bad enough they made her hear Polly cry. What was wrong with ONE picture? It wasn’t anything obscene even. It was just a picture of her and Andy smiling happily. If they claimed to had loved her like a child even after her break-up with their Matt, they should have been happy to see her happy. Why were they crying because of a happy picture? Was it, just because she was finally happy and Matt wasn’t happy with his fiancée? She thought about it thoroughly. Matt WANTED to marry Chloe. Matt CHEATED on her to be with Chloe. A WHOLE year he cheated on her.

A month before that, before she met Andy, Matt did called her up asking her to get back together with him but she insisted she didn’t want him anymore. She was sick of his lies. The words were sweet lies. But with a condition! In order for her to get back together with him, she needed to produce $3,000. The moment she heard money was involved, she knew she had to say no. She hated him. He didn’t love her. He just wanted money from her. Her instincts seem to be telling her that the money was for his wedding. She stood her ground saying she didn’t want to get back into a relationship with him because of money. She hated him even more already at the moment he said, “but…” She knew what was coming when he said “but”. Her best friends, Jane and Sally were angry. They hated what Matt did to her. Jane was often with her since Sally was working somewhere outside the country. Jane saw all her angry tears and her psychotic laughter after she got angry with him. Most of all, Jane was the one who had to drive her home when she decided to go over her limitations on drinking. Her heart was filled with anger and hatred.

One night, when she and Jane went out, Matt called her again asking her if she wanted to get back together with him. Despite her beating around the bush, with the intention of not breaking his heart into pieces, she decided to tell him she hated him. She wanted him dead and she didn’t want to hear from him ever again. She didn’t want him to love her for money.

That was a month ago. This time, she was facing something which made her hate his family. They were trying to use Polly as a weapon to sabotage her relationship with Andy. Their words, “If you love Polly like you claim, take that picture off your online album…” She was so tempted to slap every single one of them and ask, “Why should you people bother?” Why can’t they respect or be supportive? Hold on… how can they be supportive? Andy isn’t their relative to begin with.

“If it was a picture of you and Matt, I won’t mind…” said Matt’s mother. She gasped in fear. She started to laugh hysterically. She told his mother that she knew Matt wouldn’t want the world to see her with him because he was itchy. He was being a dick. The other thing was she wasn’t pretty or small sized like those anorexic girls.

Despite it all, why did they use Polly as a weapon to get her attention? Why did they put an innocent little girl who doesn’t even know about the truth of her existence into the whole picture? It was unfair that they used a 7 year old to make her feel guilty. It was just a lowly trick to get her.

Now, because of that, she hates the whole lot of them. The people she trusted the most were the ones betraying her while the people who were instigating her were the ones trying to save her. Since it was all in the past, she learnt her lesson… though she wished people like them never existed or don’t deserve to live, she thank God she managed to let go before it was too late.

A Dream Come True (An NKOTB Fan Fic For My BFF)

NOTE: THIS IS COMPLETELY MADE UP! IT IS NOT REAL! xD I've got a few people coming up to me telling me they thought this truly happened. Hehehe. That is why it is called a FAN FIC.

It so happened that the three of us were together when the New Kids on the Block came to Kuching. Juliana & I decided to follow Serena, who was a HUGE New Kids on the Block fan because we both knew one thing.. Serena would kill anyone who gets in her way where Jonathan Knight is concerned. I was there to take pictures of the boys. Juliana was there to help me calm Serena down. We waited patiently for the guys to arrive the hotel.

"We should have waited at the airport, Jul.." I told Juliana. She agreed but Serena thought otherwise.

"I've never seen Serena so sexcited before!" Juliana whispered & I tried hard not to laugh because I was thinking the same. "Serena, Shano & I want to go to the toilet. Wanna join?"

"It is okay, I will wait for Jonathan & the others here.." she said as she sat down on one of the couches in the lobby. Juliana dragged me out of the crowd & for some kind of weird reason we went to the washroom near the ballroom instead of the washroom by the lobby.

Guess who we saw, sneaking away from the crowd. It was Jonathan Knight himself.

When he saw us, he noticed the camera in my hands & he told us not to tell anyone that the guys were hiding in the ballroom because they wanted to run away from the crowd in the lobby. The next Juliana & I knew, Jon dragged us into the ballroom.

"Shh.." Jon said almost panicking. Before Juliana could ask why, Jon explained, "The crowd here is wilder than we thought. I thought it was not going to be this big here in Kuching.."

"You've got to be kidding me. One of the people in that crowd came all the way from Brunei!" I said as I laughed. "Right, Jul?" I asked but Jul was nowhere near me. Apparently, she saw the others & went to speak the others..

"Brunei?" Jonathan asked. I nodded. "Oh my God.. is her name Serena by any chance?" I blinked at him, almost in shocked the moment he mentioned my best friend's name. "Please answer me!" he begged. "You look like you are in shock. Nod for a positive answer. Shake your head if you don't know her."

I honestly nodded. He looked so happy I thought he would kiss me & I knew my best friend was the one in love with him. NOT ME..

"Can you by any chance call her here?" he asked, giving me the puppy look. I turned to look at Juliana, who was having more fun chatting with Jordan Knight & Joey McIntyre. Since she was a fan of theirs, I decided not to disturb her. "I just want to meet the girl who amuses me.. Please, call her here & I will give you something you want.."

For a moment there, I thought that Jon was a genie who would grant me 3 wishes or something. So, I took out my cellphone. "Let me warn you, Jon," I said after a long silence. "She worships you. So, don't break her heart or I'll.."

"I won't break her heart. I swear. She made me feel complete! That is the girl I intend to meet! Please!" he begged. I dialed Serena's number.

"Hey! Juliana & I got into a little sticky situation here. Require help! NOW!" I said. "Owh, please.. they won't come anytime soon! Jul & I need you now!" I said almost desperately over the phone. "It won't be long. I promise! Okay. Alright. NOWW!!" I said then hung up. As I put my cellphone into my pocket, Jon looked at me blank. "How may I help you?" I asked conveniently.

"Can you by any chance call her here?" he asked, giving me the puppy look. I turned to look at Juliana, who was having more fun chatting with Jordan Knight & Joey McIntyre. Since she was a fan of theirs, I decided not to disturb her. "I just want to meet the girl who amuses me.. Please, call her here & I will give you something you want.."

For a moment there, I thought that Jon was a genie who would grant me 3 wishes or something. So, I took out my cellphone. "Let me warn you, Jon," I said after a long silence. "She worships you. So, don't break her heart or I'll.."

"I won't break her heart. I swear. She made me feel complete! That is the girl I intend to meet! Please!" he begged. I dialed Serena's number.

"Hey! Juliana & I got into a little sticky situation here. Require help! NOW!" I said. "Owh, please.. they won't come anytime soon! Jul & I need you now!" I said almost desperately over the phone. "It won't be long. I promise! Okay. Alright. NOWW!!" I said then hung up. As I put my cellphone into my pocket, Jon looked at me blank. "How may I help you?" I asked conveniently.

He blinked blankly. "You tricked her?" he asked.

"If I don't do what I just did, she won't even move from where she is now." I said in a cool manner. My cellphone rang & I answered, "We're not in the washroom.. Juliana's curiousity had to kill me, we're in the ballroom!" I said then hung up again.

"Gosh, Woman. You dare do such thing to your own best friend? I like that tactic. I think I understand why you do it!" he chuckled. I grinned.

"Ja? Jul?" Serena called as she peek into the ballroom. "Where the hell are you guys?" she asked. "I hate it when you play hide & seek with me, Girls!"

"Here's your chance, Jon." I whispered. He got up from where we were & grinned sheepishly.

"OH! MY! GOD!" Serena squee-ed. "Is that really you?" she gasped. Jon grinned & nodded. I nudged his calves as if telling him to approach her. Since I was on the floor along with the others, I went towards Juliana & introduced myself to the others there. From where I was, I heard Serena talking to Jon shyly. "OH MY GOD! IT IS YOU!"

"You are the famous Serena!" Jon said in delight & they started chatting.

"SHE LOVES TRACTORS, JON!" Jul called out suddenly. I laughed.

"What the -? Girls, where the hell are you?" Serena called. Juliana & I stood up & waved at her. Even from a distant, I could see Serena's face turn bright red. So was Jon's! HE WAS BLUSHING! He met the girl who've been hinting things to him via cyberspace & now he is there with her. Next to her.

"Shano, don't you just feel happy to see Serena finally meeting her Idol?" Juliana asked. I grinned & nodded. Jordan & Joey looked at us blankly.

"Idol?" they asked at the same time. Juliana & I nodded. "Whoa. We both knew that Jon had this obsessed fan from Brunei but we didn't seem to think you guys knew her!" Jordy said.

"Owh, you have no idea what we have to endure!" I laughed. Juliana laughed, too, only nervously because she did had a celebrity crush on Jordy. "Anyway, it is an honour for you guys to come here to meet your fans!" I said.

"No problem," Joey said. Next thing I knew, Juliana & Jordy was in deep conversation leaving poor Joey & I to watch what was happening to Jon & Serena. "Finally, he found her." Joey said.

"Finally?" I asked. Joey nodded. "Have he been speaking of her?"

"Yeah. Almost non-stop. He said, he will find for that girl. No matter what!" Joey said. I was almost speechless. Apparently, when with Juliana & I, all Serena talks about is Jon.. whereas, at their part of the world, all Jon talks about is this mysterious fan of his from Brunei!"

I thought to myself. Was this fate? For both of them? Whatever it was, I was proud of Serena. Her passion for Jon was paid off. They did meet. Then I turned to Jordy & Juliana, they were both getting warm with each other. I looked at poor Joey. I didn't have a particular favorite member in the group. So, I sat down, feeling slightly relieved..

I was happy for the two girls. Especially, Serena. She found her dream guy. Juliana? I was also happy for her because she met the guy that has something on her criteria list. I turned to Joey. "Hey, Joey, what about we leave these four in here. I don't want to witness an orgy!" I said.

"Where do you propose we go?" he asked me. I shrugged.

"A little drink won't hurt?" I said. Joey apparently, wanting to get out, agreed.

"Let the two brothers deal with their fans here!" he said, naughtily. I laughed & took Joey's arms casually & we went out of the ballroom to get a drink or two with the intention to leave the people we were proud of to themselves.